1. I just want a little monkey who can be trained to bring me snacks and walk on my back with his little massaging monkey feet, and who will peek up at me with his big monkey eyes when someone in my vicinity says something stupid and I need to make eye contact with someone sane. My little sane monkey, I love him already. My monkey and I will have an Understanding. We will Get It.

    — Deb on the Rocks: A monkey on my back

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